im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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