I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
