PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
