How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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