Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
