i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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