My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
