so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
