Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she told me i tasted like america
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
