i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A bitchslap is in order.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
