I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
