At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
