she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So squirting runs in the family.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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