He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
