I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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