ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can you bring me the toilet please
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
