oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
