So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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