when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She needs sedatives and a leash
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
