Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
