i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
