there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize