just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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