I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
