I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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