the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
