I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
