Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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