Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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