I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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