Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
