So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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