you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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