For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
