No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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