i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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