my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
