Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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