Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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