Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
