We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And then he peed in my hair
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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