jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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