I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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