remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
