made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
