the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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