found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
