He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
