john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
