Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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