"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize