I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
