shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize