Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
