she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
