sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
