New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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