Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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