Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
