omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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