....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
