Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
