You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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