So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
