Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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