I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
