She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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