its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
