Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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