This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
