Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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