hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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