this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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