my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize