Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
