There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
