Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
