I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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