Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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